God Hates Divorce

American Christianity is a well documented pendulum. We shift from legalism to antinomianism. We shift from zeal to apathy. We go from deeply theological songs to man-centered praise music. The pendulum swings back and forth, back and forth. It would seem now that there's some emphasis on being extraordinary or completely antithetical to the average believer. This has even crept its way into how we view marriage.

Christians should be the last group of people buying into the false notion of The One. Matt Walsh wrote a great article on this a while back and I highly recommend you read it as it will kind of help you understand where I'm coming from. If you already recognize that Christian marriage isn't dependent upon a proper alignment of cosmic light sources but rather a proper alignment of regenerated people, then you can skip his article for the time being. 

My in-laws have been married for 40+ years. Neither of them have a bachelor's degree. They never made a ton of money. They had difficulty getting pregnant. They weren't even born again until later in their marriage. But they're still in love. It's observable. I see it every time I see them. They entered into their contract in imperfect circumstances. Non-Christians. Not wealthy. "Uneducated." But they're still married. 

Am I saying they didn't have problems? Do you think I'm that naive? Of course they had problems! They're 2 different human beings! I'm certain they had tons of problems. But they're still married.

Melanie's parents and my parents had about a 2% chance
staying married. 

My parents have been married 40+ years. Neither of them have a bachelor's degree. They never made a ton of money. My mother was told she was infertile. They weren't even born again until later in their marriage. But they're still in love. It's observable. I see it every time I see them. They entered into their contract in imperfect circumstances. Non-Christians. Not wealthy. "Uneducated." But they're still married.

Am I saying they didn't have problems? Do you think I'm that naive? Of course they had problems! They're 2 different human beings! I'm certain they had tons of problems. But they're still married. 

What is going on here? How can both of these couples still be married? You know how? It's so simple. They didn't get divorced!
"Tim, don't patronize me! That's obvious!"

But in today's society, it would be perfectly acceptable if they had. The world would expect uneducated people who aren't wealthy to get a divorce. That's become the expectation. 

Malachi 2:16

"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

That passage goes deeper than that and is about more than just marriage but the point doesn't change, in fact, I believe it's intensified! God hates divorce because it shatters the stability and beauty of something He created for our good and for our pleasure as the greatest illustration of His love for the church!  

Here's what I'm trying to drive home: ordinary, average, every day couples have extraordinary, exceptional, unheard of marriages. Neither Melanie's parents nor my parents are, as the world defines it, exceptional human beings. They aren't famous inventors, athletes or movie stars. They are just normal people. They don't have super powers. They aren't extraterrestrials. They are just normal people indwelt with the same Holy Spirit you and I are, access to the same Bible, forgiven by the same Savior and praying to the same God. 

Therefore, my wife and I have no excuse to not be married til we die. None! No excuse! In fact, because we got married as believers and had incredible examples of marriage in our parents, we have even less excuses than none to not be married til we die!

Better or worse? Our friend Amanda has a great
take on that! 

It is alarming and frightening how many marriages are dissolving within the Christian community. My wife and I aren't oblivious to temptations. In fact, our senses have been heightened to be on guard for temptations because of the plague of marital dissolutions. We are building up wall after wall to keep out anything that might interfere with our marriage.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. It's incredible. I say this without any doubt: I love my wife more every month. Maybe not every week or day but every month. We have some pretty bad days and sometimes some bad weeks. But we're still married. We are committed to this deal. We have to be! We want to be!

The harder we've worked at our marriage the easier it's been. Say what?? Yea I said it! Isn't that true of the Christian life too? When you're lazy and avoid church, avoid the Word and fill your mind with junk, isn't it tough to be a Christian? But when you're working hard, being in community with God's people and filling your mind with truth, isn't it way easier? Substantially easier!

But marriage is still not easy. It can just be easier. Every marriage is between 1 selfish man and 1 selfish woman and then later on some selfish little humans join the party. We go from being selfish as individuals and then we become selfish as a couple and then we have kids and have to learn to stop being selfish as a couple. It's this unrelenting process of shedding selfishness.

We've got practical tips we learned as a couple: have a joint bank account, express feelings, lower your expectations, don't smother, being alone with members of the opposite sex is not okay, etc. And we've got basic Christian tips: go to church together, read together, pray together, socialize with other Christian couples, no secrets, don't let problems build, etc. 

Here's the biggest one: love one another. Love is a choice 100% of the time. When I love Melanie, that's something I choose to do and I will myself to do it if I have to. I know Melanie wills herself to love me. She has to most of the time! Can you imagine being married to me? Give Melanie a word of encouragement next time you see her. She's an impressive woman.

I know I am actually talkin' bout love,
but that song was in my head. 

Every Christian has the capacity for love and relationship. Not every Christian has to be married but every married Christian has to love. The mushy gushy feeling? It's not like it was on your first couple dates but there's something better. There's no longer a feeling there but a knowledge. I know my wife loves me. I know it because I see how she loves me everyday and that she wouldn't do the things she does if she didn't love me. That's a much deeper love. And that's what I need. And that's what every Christian is capable of.

Isn't that our Christian life too? We evolve from the feeling of being loved to the knowledge of being loved as we grow closer to God. We know God loves us and that's 10x more comforting than feeling that He does. 

Having a lasting marriage that thrives is not something available only to some! It's there for anyone who wants it. Choose to love your spouse. Choose to build walls to protect your marriage. Choose to fill your minds with truth and with good things. You've got problems? Okay, deal with them! See a counselor. Talk to your pastor. Just don't give up! If you're a believer I am 100% confident you can make your marriage last and make it incredible!
The next time you're reading the Bible think about how much it all applies to your marriage.
"But Tim, there's like 5 passages in the Bible about marriage!"
5 passages about marriage but most of the Bible can be applied to your marriage.

That's the extent of my dancing. Just
standing still and swaying.

Take for instance when Jesus tells the rich young ruler he cannot follow Him unless he gives up his wealth.
How can that apply to marriage?
First, it's not about marriage but we can make a pretty good secondary application:
We need to be willing to give up anything that's putting a stumbling block between us and our spouses. If your job is keeping you from your spouse and it's damaging your marriage? Bye bye job. If you keep in contact with an old girlfriend? No sir. You cut that crap out.
Your sports obsession is interfering with quality time with your wife? You compromise until you figure something out (hoping Melanie has stopped reading by now).

The Bible isn't about marriage. The Bible is about Christ. So men, we take what we know about Christ and we emulate His character in our marriages. Ladies, you take what you know about the bride of Christ (the church) and you emulate that in our marriages.

Friends, marriage is messy and crazy but it's not as complex as we make it out to be. My desire for this generation to rise above such a low view of marriage is increasingly daily. It tears me up in a severe way to see marriages not thriving and rips me up even more to see them falling apart. Give your marriage over to God and let Him completely crush your selfishness and build an extraordinary marriage with 2 normal people.